Managing a crowded December calendar and a long to‑do list can turn festive into frazzled if you’re trying to make everything picture‑perfect. Psychotherapist Niro Feliciano, author of All is Calmish: How to Feel Less Frantic and More Festive During the Holidays, shares ways to reduce stress and increase joy.
Her own holiday checklist once included hosting family gatherings, writing cards, shopping, decorating and more—while raising four kids and working full time. After one Christmas morning where she was too exhausted to be present for her children, Feliciano decided to write a book about staying present during the season. It offers simple shifts in thinking and small practices to ease tension and deepen connection.
Pick three moments you want to be present for.
You can’t do everything, so choose a few moments that matter most—Christmas morning, a family dinner, a concert—and show up fully for those.
Change your perspective.
Instead of listing what you have to do, name what you get to do: I get to make holiday cards; I get to spend time with family. Framing activities as privileges can remove pressure and make them feel more meaningful.
Remember, everything is optional.
Traditions can feel mandatory, but you don’t have to keep every one. If a custom isn’t bringing joy, let it go or do it differently this year. Freeing yourself from obligation makes room for things that actually excite you.
Evaluate expectations.
Notice the beliefs you hold about how the holidays “should” be. If you frequently feel disappointed, adjust those expectations to be more realistic. With many people together, some stress and discord are normal—there will still be joyful moments.
Feliciano’s approach is about small, intentional choices: narrowing focus, shifting language, and releasing unhelpful demands so you can be more present for what matters.
The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib with art direction by Beck Harlan. For feedback, leave a voicemail at 202‑216‑9823 or email [email protected]. Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, and follow @nprlifekit for more.