The holidays can quickly shift from festive to frazzled when you try to make every moment picture‑perfect. Psychotherapist Niro Feliciano, author of All is Calmish: How to Feel Less Frantic and More Festive During the Holidays, offers simple strategies to reduce stress and increase enjoyment.
Feliciano remembers juggling hosting, sending cards, shopping, decorating and more while raising four children and working full time. After one Christmas morning when exhaustion kept her from being present with her kids, she set out to write a guide to staying grounded during the season. Her advice centers on small, intentional changes that help you feel calmer and more connected.
Pick three moments to be fully present for.
You can’t do everything well, so choose a few events that matter most to you—maybe Christmas morning, a family dinner or a concert—and commit to showing up without distraction for those times.
Shift how you talk about tasks.
Swap “I have to” for “I get to.” Saying “I get to send cards” or “I get to spend time with family” reframes chores as privileges and can reduce pressure while adding meaning.
Remember that everything is optional.
Traditions can feel required, but you don’t have to keep every custom. If something doesn’t bring joy, skip it, simplify it, or try a new version this year. Letting go of obligations creates space for what actually excites you.
Reassess your expectations.
Notice the beliefs you hold about how the holidays “should” unfold. If you often feel disappointed, make expectations more realistic. With many people together, some stress is normal—and that doesn’t erase moments of joy.
Feliciano’s approach is about narrowing focus, changing language, and releasing unnecessary demands so you can be present for what matters. Small shifts can make the season feel less frantic and more meaningful.
This digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib with art direction by Beck Harlan. For feedback, leave a voicemail at 202‑216‑9823 or email [email protected]. Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, and follow @nprlifekit for more.